For those of you that know me, know I love stories and adventure. I love redemption, justice and battles. This is a huge reason why since I was a little boy I was captivated by the Bible, especially the Old testament. I can remember as a young boy listening to sermons, taking notes far before I probably had an idea what it really meant. God has for years been drawing me into his story. He has been using my love and passion for life and others to impact lives. The last handful of years I have really been trying to figure out just exactly what is my story and how do i share it. I love when others share their stories of freedom and how God has brought light into the darkness of their hearts. Stories change lives, especially our stories. We were created for community, authenticity and vulnerability. But what was my story? How do I do that? What if they got a glimpse of the dark places in my heart? "It is to late to reveal that to people", I tell that to myself all the time. "I should have done it earlier" the time has passed... can I really go back ? Will they still love and accept me? How do i share stories of hurt and wounds of others I love and places I wounded others? Do I even have freedom in those places? Even worse do I know where and how to identify some of the dark places of my heart, today? I love the Lord, I love the Word, but I have to fight like hell just to keep my head above water sometimes. I am amazed by people where discipline, kindness, patience comes so naturally. I so often scratch and claw to get what feels like a glimpse. I know God has changed my heart tremendously over the years. I know I am not the same person i was 10 years ago, 5 years ago heck even a year ago. What I don't know is how to use that to bring life to others. I share knowledge I've learned along the way. I share my passions and desires for others to know Jesus. But my story is rarely part of that. Few "know" me and if I'm honest I'm not sure anyone "knows" me not the way God intended anyways. Not the way I help others to embrace and use their story and journey. Because in their story lies power and life. They will change the world with their story, they will light up the darkness and push back evil, with their story. But me? I fear my story. I fear to truly be known. Because for so long I have been so bad at it. So long I didn't trust others, trust their commitment, trust their passion. As i desired to lead and bring truth in what was a lonely place. I did the only thing I knew what to do I survived and often on my own. Yes I had friends that loved me and help me grow but they didn't know me or my story. Not the depths of my life, not what I have done or what I have been through. So when i shared
or do share, i went back a couple weeks or maybe a month. I shared. growth is what God was teaching me. There is a very real fear that people will see how weak I really am, how hard knowledge, love and disciplines come for me. How unbelievably hard I have to work to experience little change in my own life. This should not be considering the years I have been at this, the Love i have for my Savior and the hours I've put into growth. There is plenty of shame and embarrassment here for me(which i know isn't healthy or truth) But I have for years done it on my own... because I had to. The problem is now I don't have to just survive. I'm surrounded by dozens of people that Love me and desire freedom for me. This past week I have felt God call me to use my story. Tonight one of my best friends Lisa Langenberg with love and vulnerability shared her story. God whispered to me it is time. I know it will be painful, uncomfortable and tears will be shed.But it is time. There is to much at stake for me to just survive and not thrive. So tonight this is me saying here is my start, here is my heart and it is ready to be known. God wants to use us in ways we cant imagine and bring freedom in ways we didn't dare dream of. We are better together. We were created for this.
The plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations.
Psalm 31:11
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9
Thank you for reading a piece of my heart. Maybe it is time for you to be known. To enter into Gods story in a very special way.
For his glory
Jeremy Eusterwiemann
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