When it doesnt makes sense: the heart and the mind don't mesh

We all have those moments where life is too trying,  blah, confusing, burdensome, weary, impossible, heavy or heck maybe even all of the above.  You know when the sun seems to cloud over,  when  anger builds, shame mounts, hope fades, doubt lingers and you seem to lose your reason to sing and your belief someone is there holding you.  You cannot explain it or even begin to put it into words. You just know you are not where you used to be,  you don't feel how you used to feel and you definitely don't sing how you used to.  The heart doesn't trust what the head knows as true. You feel so trapped in a wheel of guilt,  judgement, and obedience. You feel this separation from the heart , from a relationship you don't feel. The more you try the heavier it gets. To the point where you just  don't even take the every day steps you are so accustomed to. What used to be so enjoyable becomes so burdensome. So you are stuck in  an entangled mess. You know you need to take steps of obedience but that seems to distance us from  love, from a relationship. So we sit,  we cry out and we wait. This go around time does not heal , in fact it seems it does the opposite you feel life slipping. You grab out with all you have but the problem is you are not even sure what you are grabbing on to.   So what do we do? We do the only thing we can do.

      What must we do?Trust me this isn't tone of demands but of desperation and of loving. James 1:5-6, 24 ESV

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like.


     We shout out, we beg, cry out, humble ourselves and lift up our creator by asking for help. We admit where we are no sugar coating, no masks, no excuses just authenticity. We pull ourselves up and just do. We do not understand it. We don't want to take the steps but we just do. Even though the word "do" seems so heavy. It seems so dead, so lifeless, so unfriendly and so far from love. . James 1:22 ESV

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.
  We do because we no longer want to doubt, we want that faith, that love . We just do because we know this is where our lives are. We ask for wisdom as we take each step. We ask for revelation in hopes we find our reason to sing. We ask to feel. We ask how doing and feeling work together. How Love and obedience mesh.


    It is never an easy road for us it is imperfect, painful, messy, hard and takes a lot of work. We must do it. Not for ourselves not to become better christains, or a ticket to draw closer to God.  We do it for others . We do it to love, to experience love and to give love freely and share with those around us our hearts. We fight, walk out our journey and experience so others may have life. In the process some how some way it becomes beautiful, we grow, we laugh, we enjoy. We give others a reason to sing and some how through the mess we find our reason to sing. " It's his breath in our lungs so we pour out our praise. "

A heart of transformation: live free, but not easy

I often wonder what it truly means to endure. When I think of endure I realize that there is resistance I am turning away from something. I must ask myself lf what am I turning away from sin, evil, bad choices?  All of the above might be true but what if it is not that simple?  Paul says in Romans 12:2 NIV Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." How do I transform the renewing of my mind? What am I going against? We often desire pleasure the feeling and pursuit of happiness. We want it we give it to ourselves. Yes there is satisfaction in this but if we are honest with ourselves it is momentary. If we are brutally honest with ourselves it is not even satisfaction but q numbing of pain. Pain from searching and search for a void in emptiness an unsettled desire for more. I believe this is for Christ followers and those who do not believe in Christ alike. To transform is a continuous fight a changing of mind and habits, but not set apart from each other but together you cannot experience one without the other.  "Biblical faith fights to believe the Gospel to such a degree that it is reflected in our practice." As we seek the truth of the Gospel and continually let our mind be transformed which cannot be done alone by our own effort, our lives change. Love becomes easier, stronger and freely flows without hesitation. The Gospel calls us to look at Jesus over and over again, To acknowledge we are blemished and we need a redeemer. To say yes to Jesus as Lord of our lives but acknowledge that this is done through grace and grace alone, no amount of good deeds or any earning behaviours can save us. We are transformed by grace. "Grace is opposed to earning not to effort". What if to endure it means we continue to acknowledge our inadequacies everywhere, accept the grace God so freely wants to give us through his son. What if to endure means to continue to make new what grace, love, obedience, righteousness, repentance, sanctification look like. What if it means to reclaim the words that are so abused in our journeys and stories. What if This is when our hearts truly begin to be set apart from the world. Not some sort of behavior modification or withholding myself from pleasures, but a heart that starts to desire them less and less, because we have grabbed a hold of something strong and enduring Christ our saviour.

Blessed to be a blessing

      What is our purpose? How do we play a part? Where can we go from here? Stay with me here. Keep some of these questions in mind as I step into something that really burns inside me.  I really feel no matter where you are at or what level this can speak to you. Even if you don't consider yourself a Christain or could care less about God. I still ask that you stay with me here me out. Genesis 12:2 God to Abraham says " I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. " We were created to be a blessing. We were created for a bigger story.

This post can truly hit on so many different levels I ask that you would think about it and allow it to do just that. Ask the what ifs? Have I really made a commitment? Where do I go? What is my part? hang with me this one is lil longer.

To be honest there is something so personal and so close to home with this idea . I fear that here is where so many people get stuck. I fear that so many people cannot move forward until they get this, until this truly sinks in. So many want freedom, so many want to pursue BIG dreams, want to conquer the world,  but they ayrent dealing with their right here or their right now. I know personally I have a lot of growth but I am finally starting to GET it . THe process might be slower then I want but I suppose that is why they call it a journey.So what holds us back? Mathew 6:21 says "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." To me this statement is so foundational for who were are and where we want to go. I think So much freedom or imprisonment is found here. So many of us honor God with our lips but not our actions.  Did I just go to money? Yes, Yes I did but I am here to say it is no about MONEY it is about the heart. Why is this such a sensitive subject within the Church. Why do so many people get so edgy, and uncomfortable. I beleive it is absolutely foundational to how we can be freely used by God and even find God in places we did not know we could. I mean think about it where you invest your passionate about, you get emotional about. Dont believe me ever watched a football game where someone has bet, ever bougt stock for a product, ever seen someone spill something on their new 100 dollar pair of jeans? Maybe it seems far fetched but is it really?I meant what if what could unlock our hearts is by giving to our house, our church? If you are not a believer and reading this thank you for still being here. If your not a believer you probably have heard so many twisted versions of what tithing is. Even if you are a believer I know you have and wrong motives, and wrong reasons eventually lead us farther away rather then closer.

So where can we go? Why give? what is it for? Yes there are aspects of the Church that are business like and there are expenses. That does not even start to scratch the surface of why Tithe. Why we give 10% So why should we ? Maybe just maybe giving away with God is better then 100 percent all yours.  Here is a list i saw the other day about Ten reasons we get to tithe by Steven Furtick.  Yes get to. Imagine if your heart got to this place where every week you were actually excited and looked forward to that time of the week. Its fun trust me ive experienced it at times. There is a wholeness here that opens our hearts in ways cant even fathom.
AS you read this list think about these things when they pass the offering.

1)We document Gods blessing when we give
2) We get to train ourselves to obey Gods instructions more immediately and completely
3)When we give we get to participate in Gods higher purpose by connecting more deeply to his heart
4) I get to build something much bigger then me , that will last much longer then me
5)When I give I get to break the back of greed and escape the change of selfishness
6)When I give I get to wage war on worry by placing Gods protection over my possesions
7)When I give I get to order and enjoy whats left because Ive given God my first and my best
8)When I give I get to send a spiritual reminder to myself and my circumstances that my God is more then enough.
9)When we give we get to spread the Gospel to the world and preach the Gospel to ourselves
10) When I give I get to open my hands to a God who will not be outgiven.

Our heart is so complexed and it is so easily pursuaded when we try to please it ourselves. I am so passionate here because Churches around the world arent reaching their potential. Ya more resources you can do more things that seems logical. But but but it doesnt even end there and it isnt about there. I am pasionate here because the Church cannot reach its potential because so many cant give there whole heart to it. They cant dive into it or be all in even if they want to, because they simply said are serving something else. God does not need what we have, but we desperately need what he wants to give us.  We are all blessed to be a blessing.

Retraining the heart: A change that must be made

Have we really drifted do far as a people that the first thing we notice is someones flaws our shortcomings. I truly believe that none of us are exempt from this. We have desensitized our own hearts in this regard to the extent that we flaunt the "mistakes" of others socially and publicly. Maybe some of us don't engage in these actions first hand but is sitting quietly any different? I myself am as guilty as anyone. When Is enough, enough? When do you cross the so called line of insensitivity? It is no wonder the next generation is labeled as disrespectful, selfish and demanding of self entitlement. Do we really as a people model anything different? It has gotten to the point where it has become awkward or even worse burdensome to become encouraging and uplifting.

  The "Church" is not exempt here. In fact at times I wonder if the greatest struggles do not belong to us. We know better,Love calls for it and our Gospel demands it. Add if our response as a church in this regard isn't bad enough. The Church within the church is probably as bad as it gets. We try to walk in community together, but if they do not do it our way, or think our way it stirs up conflict. Which in amongst itself isn't entirely a bad thing. It really comes down to do you hold your views for yourself or do you desire somehow to draw them closer to God. To reveal a new peace and understanding that maybe they have never experienced before. So often our own churches have become competitive like only a brother and sister can be. The difference we do not treat them as a brother or a sister. We treat them as outlaws, outcasts unworthy of our compassion. They often become the brunt of our jokes or the center of our gossip.

 So what can we do? What I'd we took a stand retained ourselves to have an EYE for the beauty. We visualized or gratitude and our praise. What if we chose to honor everyone. Honor and respect are different to an extent respect is earned but Honor we are called to always give. Everyone is worthy of honor. What if we became a people that for once quit viewing others through our own eyes of selfishness, shame and hurt. Maybe if we started to step up and change the game others would follow suit. America is a selfish nation, a depressed nation a nation that is worn out. We suck the life out of ourselves by sucking it out of each other. When we give life we gain life. Could you bee the one that decides to take a stand and retrain your heart. AMERICA needs us.

quietness and confidence

               Tonight I am going to do it a little different. Tonight I just want to talk to you guys give you a glimpse of my life in hope that some how it can bring something to your life. Even the name i picked is far different then it normally would be.

     Do you ever have those nights where you crawl in to bed lay down and you cannot help but smile. You are so just flat out grateful you cannot help but smile. Not because today was easy, or you were rewarded or recieved something. In fact in a lot of ways it was exactly the opposite. The day was a grind it was tough for a lot of different reasons but that is not the point. I do not want to complain. I used to look at those events or those circumstances and allow it to define my day. Now I am realizing my days are far bigger then that. Back to my point. Life happened today. Every interaction I had today with someone close to me left a very special mark in fact far beyond what they even realize. I know this is and will be scattered but tonight that is who I am. Forgive me if it is hard to follow.

        Isaiah 32:17 "The fruit of that righteousness will be peace: its effect will be quietness and confidence forever. "  I know my days will never be perfect and I know so often they will be hard, they will be a grind and in the midst of them it will seem so often like war and for many of us at times hell.  My days are defined different now. Isaiah 32:17 "The fruit of that righteousness will be peace: its effect will be quietness and confidence forever. " Isaiah 32:17 "The fruit of that righteousness will be peace: its effect will be quietness and confidence forever. " Let it sink in. I truly believe with all my heart when we seek jesus with a pure heart and a heart without selfish motives we slowly but sure start to understand the steps of our Journeys. It is as if we recieve a revelation and something goes off in our mind and finally e might understand or we might get something we hadnt before. Hold on to those moments. But When we seek him the fruit of that righteousness in our lives is peace, quietness and confidence. We have confidence in knowing know matter the day we had our God is still the same, his love in know way has changed and our journey will still continue. There is a peace and a freedom in knowing our days are not judged or graded by the things we got right. The days are not defined byt the circumstances we are facing. Their is joy in every day, their is peace in every day. When we start to live life with the intention of being MINDFUL of the opportunities to seize and create life our days take on a whole new meaning. Something that is so far beyond ourselves . We see life where we did not before. We are blessed in ways that previously we walked right past. When we step into the life that jesus has for us you begin to expeirence a new peace and quitness. your heart calms and you can see the blessings and experiences the life that is brought about in your day in a new way. We miss this in our lives so many times. We get so caught up in us our hurts, our pains, our wants, our desires, that we miss the true Joys of life. We get caught up in us. We get caught up in defining our day and our life on things that are truly small. Today I was able to end my night lay my head down and know that I experienced life in a new way. Will you allow yourself to?

Day of honor: True meaning of freedom.

Days like today are moving for me as I ponder my life and hte opportunities given to me. There have been so many that have put their lives down for our freedom. Even before the existence of America. This day goes far beyong U.S.A do not get me wrong I love my country and am proud of who I am and where my roots are. So many have lost their lives for our freedom but it is more then just war. The fight is far bigger then that. There are so many that fight for food, survival, water, decency,and love. People have put their lives on the line for a far greater cause then us just having the right to do whatever we want or to not do anyting at all. They fight to give us the opportunities to change the world. They fight for us to grab hold of the day to day gifts that we have been given. They fight so that we will stand up and say enough is enough. It is time to care for the pour, the lost, the wounded and the wronged. True freedom is found when we look outside ourselves and we invest in the lives of others. When we give our time and resources to something other then personal gratification and satisfaction. Every day we have opportunities whether it be at work, home, school, out in public we have the chances to live large. To step outside ourselves and change the world or at the very least the lives around us. Investing into the lives of the youth to shape who they are and what they will fight for espeically with our own kids. True change starts from the inside out. I know it must first start with me and it is something I am finally being intentional to step into. I often suck at it but I give my all in doing so. So for me today on this memorial day has a new meaning. As so many have given up there lives and normalcy for us. To pave the road for us to live outside ourselves and to truly Live large. Living a life bigger then yourself is true freedom. So lets honor those before us by living a life worth living and preparing the way for those after us. Let us not take another day for granted. Be the change you were created to be.

THe Golden calf: The heart that is hindered

Most of us know the Old Testament sotry of worship. The Golden calf when Moses went up to get the ten commandemnts. Israel and its people melted all the Gold and other medals they had and forged a calf out of gold and worshipped it. Even the total heart behind it might have not been totally wrong. After all you cannot wroship something you cannot see right? They just wanted something visible. But it is not that simple. "Sin is fundamentally idolatrous. I do wrong things because my heart desires something more than the Lord." Paul david tripp from his book Instruments in the hands of the Redeemer. We will always worship something. The Lord or everything else. Anything that draws our focus or any desires that come before our desire of Christ is an idol. Why is idolatry such an important issue? "Worship is more fundamental to our essential nature than the pain, pressures or pleasure of our experiences. what we worship determines our responses to all our experiences." (Tripp 67) We were created to worship. We were created to glorify God. Anything that gets in the way of our ultimate purpose on this earth and in our lives is devastating. Even as I write this it is convicting me. I do not believe we have a big enough sense of urgency about idolatry in our own lives. How many of us can truly say that Christ is at the core of our desires. Some of us may say he is but does our actions, time and finances back that up. Where do we invest? Where do I spend the most time? What do I write the most or biggest checks to every week? Some of us would naturally say work we spend hte most time at work . I am sure you are asking so your saying work is an idle? What I am asking why do you work? To fulfill your simplest needs? Or is it for everything else that comes with it? The glitz the glamour. when was the last time we offered our work day up to God? THe last time we went to work thankful for the opportunity that it porvides my daily needs and from that and after that I get to give and bless others. Where we invest our heart will follow. We cannot serve two masters. It is impossible so if were not in total service of our Lord we are living for and serving for other things. AMERICA this is us. We do not get it we cannot get it. If we did tehre would not be so many hurting and so many needs even on our blocks right now. The churches would not be empty. Why because our lives our checkbooks, our time would reflect what we say our desire for the Lord is. I am not sure we value this thought near enough. If we put our time, money and heart where our mouths are things would change. Revival would happen. The Church would be the hope. We would feed the needy, resuce hearts from so much pain and terror.. Free those in bondage, rescue so man y from fear. WE WOULD BE THE PROVIDER. We were created for one purpose and one purpose alone. How much of your life do you invest there?

Your Rafiki moment

Simba starts chasing rafiki in pursuit of learning about his father.He chases him through the trees and catches up to him. Rafiki tells him to look into the water he is dissapointed to see only his reflection, thinking it might be his father. Rafiki tells him to look closer and he then sees a reflection of his father. Rafiki says you see he lives in you. There is then a dialogue with his father and how he has forgotten who he was and who he was to become. I know there was a lot of hocus pocus and things involved in this but I think there is an important lesson for us all here if we are willing to be honest with ourselves. Dueteronomy 6;12 says "be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, our of the land of slavery." There are grumplings and complaints going throughout the wilderness. Moses heres chatter how they wish they were back in Egypt. Ya they had seen miracles, true they also saw the wrath God put on pharoh and his country. They saw the sees opened wide and they have witnessed God provide there every need. Yet still there is complainingthere is ungratefulness. How couldthis be? How could tehy forget that there life back there was far worse. How could they forgetthat life in Egypt was far worse. Do they not remember the promises God has for them to enter the promise land? Are we really that different? How often do we find ourselves complaining and longing to be able to indulge in the things we used to. How often do We forget who God says we are, the promises he has for us and where he has removed us from. You see our lives are not much different. We wereall living in slavery at one point. Trapped by the desires of the world. Trapped by our own selfish desires. God rescued us and when we beleived we were marked by him and entered into his grace. He has a promise land for us he is preparing the way.We are wondering in our desert until the time is right. We must REMEMBER that we are part of something bigger, we are part of a larger story. That we too were once slaves, but we have been rescued and all of our legitimate needs have been met. When the times get tough and when the world seems like it might be crashing down on you. We must remember who God is, who we are in him, where we were brought out of and where we are promised to end up. The story isnt about us. We are called to be ambassadors to our king. Every moment of every day we are called to be embassadors. Our opportunities are truly limitless. Simba had ran away from his destiny, he complained about the life he was supposed to be having and the hurt that was there. It is no longer his or he would rather go back to how it was or worse didnt want to go take what was rightfully his. He REMEMBERED HE HAD HIS RAFIKI moment. Will you?

Vitality or death: Is there a middle ground

I picked up a devotional today which I rarely do. I usually go straight to the Bible REVIVAL BEGINS WITH YOU." Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. Mathew 4:17. ---If Christianity is important at all, then it is all-important. If it is anything at all then it is everything. It is either the most vital thing in your life, or it isn't worth bothering with. "Billy Graham. I have heard this a hundred times before and I get it but I wonder today is it all important everywhere. Is it "vital" in all places could today be the day in a new way that I choose to only live off of Jesus and the promise of the hope and future he brings. Will i truly forsake the world the bitterness, unforgiveness, selfishness, greed, envy, hate and the rest rhis world has to offer. Will I truly be consumed and engulfed by this promise. Will I love in the way Jesus called us to. The Love that never fails. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." When I do these things there is no choice but to take my eyes off myself, infact it is impossible to truly Love and not have a selfless heart. So the "Rutts" of this world and the "slumps" start to dissapear and shatter. Hear me out, I mean what causes those things? Is it not the moment where you decide you were owed that or that should not have happened to you, that our mind starts to spiral into what seems like an endless hole of guilt and doubt. Could it be that the only way to truly rise out of those places is to flip our eyes off ourselves. It is so easy to get caught up and entangled in the selfish mindset. It starts as a moment of weakness then all yhe guilt and shame of the world is poured onto us. We start to believe the lies of you are not good enough, you will never climb out if this, this is as strong as you will ever be, what is the point it is kust a tired circle of hopelessness, You so not truly think you can make a difference, I could go on and on. We Egrow weary we get tired and we sulk. So we know we must turn our eyes to the Hope we have in the promise that we are "small" in the trandensendence of oir Lord. That his promise is far bigger then anything we can fathom or understand. Isn't that what faith is? Believing and choosing to enter into a story that we do not comprehend or understand? Taking steps of action because ultimately we know hat the only story that matters is the one that started bwfore there was time. When the God head the Trinity Father, son and holy spirit de cided to create us not for our pleasure, but so that we could bring Him GLORY so that we could enter into LOVE in its truest for. That is vitality is there really any middle ground?

Journey part 1:The wall to the office

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you." Jeremiah 29:11-12
This is a long  bare with me it will be worth it. We all are on a Journey and we all are at different places in our Journey, but for today I am going to share a little of my Journey that has so shaped where I am at today. It started when I was 17. I had dabbled in faith I always had a desire to be great and to do good. I was not sold out I participated, I was a "fan" an admirerer I did not always fully engaged. Then something caught my heart I decided it was time. I had to go all in or I should turn my back and go the other direction. I did not know where to start.. I was not qualified and I did not know what I truly had to offer. There was one thing I had a heart for people. I love people, almost to the point of where it is overwhelming. I so enjoy relationships. Plus I  for the most part was good at it. So i figured I would start there.  I was loving life I was alive and other people were taking notice.  I decided I was going to take legitimate interest in peoples lives and I was not going to take "fine" or "good" for an answer. I went deep I prayed behind close doors and I poured out in every way that a 17 year old boy knows how. There are season of friendships I know that and I know I will never turly understand the impact those friendships can have. I will never get to see the whole picture there. But  I know in some of them there was a seed planted and I pray to this day someone helps waters and cultivate that seed.  There was always one that stuck out. When I mean stuck out i not not mean the friendship itself. At the time there was nothing special about it no oneelse would have noticed a difference. Few people even knew what was truly going on.  You know when people say they hear from God? Call it what you want but I knew God had a plan for me in this girls life. I saw a heart that was passionate but a heart that was also misplaced, I saw a heart that would dive in but a heart that was misguided,. Oh I knew, this girl would change the world and God was not about to let me forget it. There would be times I would be in school or with friends or whatever it might have been and I heard pray. I had to pray, why? because often the thought was so loud it was like cymbals going off in my head. I could not concentrate until I would listen either praying, sending her a short email or whatever it might be. Even if at times it had been a year since we truly had connected. It did not matter because my Journey was taking shape.

Fast-forward five years . I like to call it  "the wall". I am sitting in a Church where I had begun another new transition in my life. The church was under renovation and at the end of the service the Pastor challenged us to think of some names that over the next year we would pray for, that we would try to encourage and that we would walk with. I laughed I did not need to think at all I knew my names and it was loud and clear , what i was being challenged to do. I had ventured off the path a little bit and I became a spectator. I yet again needed to be all in I did not know why but this decidion was crucial. It was loud clanging cymbals loud, I did not understand it and to be honest I don't think I wanted to. We may say we want to know the end product or see where are steps lead, but  I often fear that. I fear it not in a bad way but because I know sometiems it is so far beyond me that I could not comprhend how it would get there that I am sure I would not take the steps. I got  up and I marched to the wall and I put those names in the wall, knowing Lives would change knowing this was crucial. There became almost a sense of urgency, a sesnse of desperation. I prayed and I prayed and prayed some more every day, several times a day.

I know this is long bear with me, it is a story that so has shaped me and continues to shape me. Fast forward roughly another five years. The girl is in Church ya that church the same Church. She had been going there for a few months now I had not , why? well we do not have time for . We reconnected and this girls heart had changed God was doing work in her heart.  She had found hope, she might not understand it or at the time even grasp it but she now had hope. The steps to the "office" had begun. We end up at a conference Global Leadership conference via satellite. Lets just say this girl woke up. I mean on fire passionate, All in< call it what you want there was no stopping this girl. She had big dreams and wild imagination for what God wanted to do and was going to do. A refreshing unbridaled passion for the Lord and I had the privilege to walk right beside her. To fight for injustices, to battle for those who were uncapable of doing the same for themselves and to Love in a way only God can give you. She has flourished and continues to grow. Needless to say she now works in the office. Ya THE office of that Church. the Church where years ago her n ame was put in the wall. From the Wall to the office.  We all are on a journey and God has a plan. We often swirve off the road or stray away, but if we truly even try to enter into the story into Gods Journey for our lives we wont miss the mark. You can't it gets to Louud. Sure we can shut it off but then you gave up you didn;t miss the mark you chose not to walk. Respond to the calling , respond to your :cymbals"  Look for part 2 coming shortly on how this affected my life and my journy in a whole different way.

Sweetly broken

So tonight my world got rocked but before I get into that let me give a little background. The last several weeks I have been striving to find what is next. Searching for that next step. Every opportunity I get I am meeting with others to gain knowledge and sticking my knows in a book to soak it all up. It has been a real teip. A new sense of peace, calmness joy and even genuine curiousity has came over my life. I really feel God tugging my heart to be mindful of those places where he wants to speak and where he wants to move mountains.I know there are places i need to get better and as I mature so has my desire for a deeper greatness in these places. So today my wife and I are running some errands and discussing some things and before I kmow it i am upset. I do not show it at first but it was brewing. Oir discussion quickly turned into an argument. I was heated and the door slammed i finished my errand . I entered into the car knowing ai couldnt take any of it back I felt shamed and emberrased. I said an apology and it was not recieved and oh boy did ai lose it. Ya it will cost me a new windshield. But tonight something beautiful happened. Beautiful? How can that be. Well one if the areas I have been working on is anger and shame. Ya obviously o failed miserably and fell so short andcyes a do over would be great. But there is progress steps are being made and I am growing. Even the process of repentance and moving forward and just dropping it right there. Not letting it consume me to yhe point where rage shame just takes over. No I will mot let it win. True growth happens in the orocess.See i think i should be at a certain place but I never make it there. Rwality is I cant make it therebecause as I grow and mature so does my desire for greatness. When I dont take joy in the process I get bitter, jealous and angry. Tonight I saw myself for who and what I am sweetly broken. I am fallen, I am broken and I am wounded but I am redeemed. It is in that redemption we find to strength. It is in those struggles we can stand firm in the truth that we are redeemed by Christ and nothing will take that away. Yes tonight my world was rocked for tonight I found JOY oin the process.

Light in a dark world

"So do not let someone tell you the facts of why something cannot be done. Do not try to convince yourself that you are not strong or are incapable. Stand up for what you believe in and what your divine purpose is. No one deserves to walk through life wandering, being treated like they don't matter, or being tossed around and picked up whenever someone decides to. Find it within you...find God. There, you will find peace, strength, great-grace, hope, unending love, and a happiness that cannot be explained" A dear friend wrote this awhile ago I have read it several times and every time it gets my blood boiling and gets me fired up. We all have a story and every story includes miracles along the way. For many of us our story in itself is a miracle. So many of us feel beat down, tired, worn out and some of us quite frankly are ready to wave the white flag of surrender. I beg you don't.

    We have been given far to much and we are far to skilled to not fight the resistance. Some of us are going to have to dig deeper then others, but we all have hope. In a world that seems so hopeless the simplest and smallest of acts can revive our soul. It seems everywhere you look there is so much brokenness and pain well that is unavoidable. Lean on the rock and build yourself the foundation you need to weather even the toughest of storms. Stand firm in the Truth that God alone is our hope and Jesus is our salvation. Where do we begin? I am in a hole that I cannot see light so surely I cannot climb out of it. Take a step however small it may feel, take a step in the opposite direction of the darkest parts of your life. Step away from the parts of your life that brings only death to your hope and dreams. Bring Joy to others, LOVE on others and often every day your own steps will get easier. We all have so many opportunities to create hope not only in our own life but in others lives...the two usually go hand in hand. Suprise a friend at work with their favorite candy, write someone a hand written note, shoot someone an encouraging text, let someone know why you appreciate them, initiate an hour to spend togethereven if it is a just a walk. All I am saying is we can do this nothing is to small. So today take a step! You are never alone. Today you "fight the resistance".

The Battle: Goodness to GRACE

Isaiah 59:4 NIV No one calls for justice; no one pleads a case with integrity. They rely on empty arguments, they utter lies; they conceive trouble and give birth to evil........I think I am slowly start to get it. We are not Good people I am not a good person. Nor will I ever be at least not here with this fleshly body. We sin and we cannot get away from it it is in our very nature. I am not saying we are condemned because that is not the case. Well at least if we accepted Christ into our hearts and made him Lord of our lives. We fall and we fall often but what will we do with our failures? Will we choose to be condemned? Will we strive for perfection so we measure up to our own ideals and measuring sticks of religion and morals. Or will we accept GRACE for what it is. A bridge a gap between fallen man and perfection. Our Jesus bore our sins became sins in the flesh, carried our weight and conquered them. Jesus doesn't see filth and dirt when he looks at us. No our sins have been forgiven and atoned for. He sees a holy and blameless disciple, he sees beauty that is what we are. What will we do with our GRACE? Some will keep sinning and take advantage of it, but did they truly ever accept it in the first place? Will we allow ourselves to be fueled by the PERFECT most amazing gift any of us have ever received. Will we allow ourselves in gratitude and thanksgiving strive to know Christ better, strive to be Christ like. Not out if duty or "have to"share mentality, but rather in response to a perfect love a LOVE we can only experience in Christ. Then and only then will our fountain totally flow freely. Then and only then can we consider all things JOY. We have a choice will you make the right one?

Honor: quit licking your wounds

"If you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the Lord" i cant get past this. Why are we all so selfish? We try hard then we try harder things get hard usually because we try to do it on our own. we get strong in our own mind so we do "us" our way and then we fail so we crawl back To Jesus, fall back in his arms let him surround us, accept the Grace. We gain strength and do it all over again. Like a dog we just keep licking the same wounds so they never truly heal. we control things ourselves and wonder why we cannot change. We blame God for the consequences that fall upon us. We wonder why we cannot "feel right". The emotions go hay wire and we start to feel guilty. So we throw ourselves into something else to cover up the new found emptiness. We wonder how we got there when days ago we felt so close. For awhile now we have ben doing all the right thingns, doing all the things we think we should be, but yet we feel distant. what happened? Does not our GOD deserve better? How do we always make it about us? We always have good intentions but along the way it gets tweeked and our flesh takes over again. We neglect to daily prepare ourselves and protect ourselves and the ones around us. We neglect to admit the power of the evil aorund us and the strength of the great deciever. He is cunning, clever, brilliant and destructive but yet we go about our lives daily as if he is not there. We cannot afford it. WE NEED JESUS and that is found in the word, in prayer, in selflessness, sacrafice and servant hood that is our hope. Not because we have to because we get to because at the end of it thats all we really have.

To strong for help, to weak to try

I am starting to realize in this world so many of us hate to ask for help. I do not know if it is because of how we are brought up, or if there is some tramatic experience or just a relationship gone bad. I know one thing it does not get any easier. I know that you find yourself stacking up what you have done for them lately so today it is probably okay to ask. I know this starts to weigh on you and it eventually sucks life out of things. Why is it so hard? Why when we even think about asking do we bombard our own mind with ridiculous thoughts and question that are not even remotely close to true. Why do we tell ourselves that it is weakness? In this regard we are our own worst enemy.

I also am not naieve enough to think that there is not another end of the sepctrum. There are several people in this world that they are just lazy the turth is they dont want help because they dont want to help. They dont want anything todo with something outside themselves. They hide behind other peoples excuses in their own lives hoping it wont be notice or you will pat htem on the back and tell them it is okay. The truth in the matter is they are just working the system and everyone around them. What emptiness what pain.

Tonight I got to experience this full circle in more ways then one. Tonight I realized in a new light that we cant do it on our own. We were not designed to. It is not weak to ask for help or to need help. It is not strength to do it on our own. So what then is it all about? It is about carrying burdens and bridging the gap for those you love. Playing your part in the friendships. Sometimes that even means you wont want to but you just do it. Why because some day you will need help? This might be one benefit yes but if that is the only reason trust me, it will lead to emptiness. So others see it? People pleasing is so draining and so not fun at all in fact it  sucks because eventually when others dont meet up to the standards and htey wont then you are lonely as ever. Really it is simple it is just what friends do. It is that easy it shows love it becaomes something you not only want to do but you need to do. Not to prove your friendship but because that is what Love does it bridges gaps. One day it might be late night talk when you are to tired to think, another slaving away in the heat, another trip across town when you thought you got to relax, another chasing around screaming children. See it is not that they are weak or that we are weak it is just sometimes you need someone to bridge the gap, give you extra set of hands, or  whatever it may be.

True friendship knows the needs and true friendship shows others that not only do you want to help that it is okay to admit it. True friendship does not expect anyting in return but you know it will be there because your firendship is built on REAL love. True firendship does more then serve tehy allow others to serve them. True friendship it jsut becomes another way to thank them for being who they are and another way to Glorfiy God for who you both are becoming. It is not weakness to ask for help but listen, listen if you wlak away from one thing and only one thing know this true weakness is trying to do it alone. Will you let others bridge the gap? Are you brdiing the Gap with other? What it comes down to is we all need to do what we can physically, mentally and Spiritually put forth 100 percent. After that it is out of your hands then the gap must be bridged and god shows up and often times through others. Be the Hope.

that excuse just wont cut it anymore

Today has been an interesting day no doubt. It was a day filled with suprises some good some bad, some that brought Joy and some thought brought pain and to be honest tears. Late night and I find myself putting the neccesary close on to take a walk in the pouring rain. I needed to think, I needed to clear my head and I needed to reflect. The more I started to think the thought "but they" or "but I" I realized that excuses just won't cut it anymore. It isn't big enough, deep enoigh or near strong enough.
That excuse just won't cut it anymore because I along with so many of you have made the decision to follow Christ and give our life to him. We made the commitment to pick up our cross and follow where HE leads. It starts with one the realization that we screw up all the time but we have been. Biedeemed which we know but we do not take the propper steps every single day. Next we made the commitment to give our LIFE to Christ. Which sometimes means even when we pour ourselves out like never before and do not get the return we think we should,or we deserve. I am not talking about selfishness here I am talking about the times when these feelings or thoughts are justified. The thing is though Jesus pain on the cross was not justified he was the ultimate example the ultimate sacrafice. He did it to redeem our stories to redeem the world so we could again bring glory to God. So what I am saying is Love deeper, Love better, Love stronger and do it because eventually Glory will point to God. See Love wins Love always wins. Keep loving in a Christ like selfless way and it eventually will always win and point to the cross. That is what this is all about that excuse just wont cut it anymore. In reality no excuse will cut it anymore to give up or to throw in the towell, or to wine and complain. ZBe bigger better and stronger through the Spirit love in a supernatural way.

My own worst enemy

Things the last several months have been just out of this world for me God was doing so many and still continues to do so many things in my life.  I continued to dive in everyday seek him read the word, pray for others and so and and so on. I suddenly felt things slipping and felt things going the other way and I had no idea why. I know life is not perfect and I know things will  always "fall apart" . I realized though I was lacking some things the core heart of the issue was me, I was my own worst enemy.  There were things I was missing hte point even though i was working towards that area I thought that was good enough. I was taking obedience true obedience for granted. Partial obedience is disobedience. God did not call me to work towards those things but to DO it. It isn't about me or my pace how i want to do it. It is about what God called us to and that is radical obedience. I let that disobedience seep in andthuse there was no true repentance. Where there is no repentance we cut ourselves off with true intimacy with God. My time spent with him then was in his presence but I was unable to expereince the TRUE intimacy, that he desires with us. I was literally my own worse enemy there is ntohing anyone else or any circumstances that could have made it better or worse. it was all on me. I am excited today to stand before my God and just confess and humble myself. How great our creater our redeemer our lover and friend is. Our you your own worst enemy?

Dragons and Rainbows: child like faith

Luke 18:17 "truly I tell you, anyone who will not reeive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it" . Powerful, bold, and someitmes a little frightening if we are honest. Why because it seems so vague so broad and it doesnt describe what that means. I have been blessed over the last several months to be surrounded by kids that I love, even though none of them our mine. As i seek gods face deeper and deeper I wonder how I can continue to enter in a faith that daily draws me closer and closer to him. Then this verse continues to smack me in the face.

I am reminded of a story that Erwin Mcmanus tells in the barbarian way. His son is on the porch roof he had crawled out there the mom is obviously freaking out lol. The boy yells "dad should I jump?" Erwin says "ya go for it". The kid acts like he is gonna jump sizes it up. Asks "dad do you really think I should jump?" Erwin says "why not". Needless to say the boy jumps off the roof into his arms. That is where it starts!

Child like faith! Faith like a child starts with being fearless, if if if, your father tells you to, you know you can do anyting. As we grow up we get beat down one we either stop hearing what he tells us to, or we are so buckled with fear we cant do it anyways. Faith like a child has imagination. children have wild imaginations anywhere from invisible friends from playing princess and dragons in the back yard with nothing more then a couple objects. Our God is the ultimate creator and we are created in his image. We should and we must be creative and innovative another trait that somewhere along the line gets lost in the battle of our daily lives. Child like faith knows they are loved. Children have an ultimate dependcy on their parents and in times of trouble nad in times of true Joy they want nothing more to be with their parents. They know they are loved they know they are provided for and they know ultimately that is all they need.  We lose that heart so often with our heavenly faither we forget that is all we truly need. We either reject his love or we simply do not think that we can accept it. Or we get lost in doing our own thing and pride and "works" get in the way. We get so caught up sometimes what others think of us how the world views us, what we can and cant do, we think about whats next. Children live in the moments they are wild and free and dont care whats around them. One of the most fun things to watch is when child just gets out of the shower no shame no fear just freedom!. Will you choose to regain your heart of a child! reclaim your life! Wild and free who wouldnt want to be with THEE .

Ignorance is not bliss

I have a feeling that this one will ruffle some feathers but I am okay with that. There are so many people in this generation say well I just do not believe in Jesus. Here is my problem with that. Before you start thinking well it is their choice you cannot force your beliefs on them listen up first. I am not talking about theology here. So what am I talking about? History.

How many of you if someone approached you and said I do not believe in Abraham Lincoln, be honest here, would say you are stupid. I know I would and yes I know I shouldn't, sometimes I have a bad heart . How is this relevant? Jesus of Nazareth is a historical being, just as much so as Abraham Lincoln. It is not debateable. So when you tell me you do not beleive in Jesus. One of two things is happening, one you choose not to investigate, or two you choose to not beleive in Jesus the messiah. I have a problem with when people come to me and tell me I do not beleive in Jesus.  I think sometimes as a Church we even mislead with the idea of it takes faith to believe in Jesus. We can prove Jesus walked on this earth that does not take faith. What takes faith is beleiveing that this Jesus was God in human flesh and died on the cross so that we may recieve grace and have eternity with him. That is faith. Why does this matter?

 

I began to ask myself does this really even matter and I beleive it does. This is why I think it does matter. when we allow otehrs to pick and choose what they take as truth in this world and i am basing it soley historically right now then our whole world starts to fall apart. Their become no truths anywhere and thus there is no need for a saviour. The foundation of this starts asJesus the man. If we can get them to that place, we open the door to talk about Jesus the Messiah. Which then they have a choice to make to follow him or not to follow him. To make him Lord in your life or not to make him Lord in your life.  To get to a decision point we must first STAND STRONG in what cannot be argued and StAND STRONG in what is fact.  Then and only then will Jesus ever become relevant in a generation that chooses to beleive that their opinion is "fact" and that is okay. Start where your truth cant be disputed.

I won't back down

Well I wont back down, no I wont back down, you can stand me up at the gates of hello but I wont back down, I stand my ground I wont be turning around, I keep this world from dragging me around, I stand my ground. For some of you this is a song that you have heard by Tom Petty. For me it has recently it has beeome an anthem. It has become something that is planted so deeply into the core of my heart I am not sure that it will ever leave. For the first time in my life I think I am okay with that. See for me in previous seasons of my life I desired greatness, I wanted to battle but when it was time to Stand my Ground, I just could not do it. Some of it was weakness, some of it was ignorance, some of it was lack of discipline, there were several reasons. I desired to become great but some of those desires well most of them were so I could become great. I wanted to help others and change lives and I desired that so much but  I was not becoming radically obedient. So I truly could not step into others stories the way God designs because I was not capable of loving the way he wants. Unless I love through him I can't reach those places and unless I understand true love comes from obedience I couldnt step into his story like he desires. I am ready to battle I am ready to fight. It is not easy and sometimes the desire is not there. Sometimes  I fear because I have not conquered those areas how can I step up out further. See if I am not stepping forward I am stuck, when I am stuck I am content, when I am content I lose the fullness of my ability to Love through his eyes. See it takes a first step, then another, one step at a time. Sometimes we think if we take that step the whole world around us will change, it will get easier. I was obedient so now God will do the rest. It is not that simple, take a step, take another step before you know it, one step at a time, you have entered a whole new realm. That gets tricky for us because we have never been in those places before. The reality is the more steps we take the harder things will become. The forces that we are up against become greater. With more Power becomes more Responsibility. We must Stand our Ground! Allow God to be our fortress.

I truly believe that God has Spoken some very real promises into my life and has shown me a glimpse of what he has called me to. Psalm 27 David says " wait on the Lord, be strong and take heart, wait on the Lord". God made some very big promises to David throughout his life and there were seasons David had to wait on the Lord to make those things happen. Where we miss the mark is that sometimes we think waiting on the Lord means sitting. NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! We must continue to take steps, one step at a time for God to direct us to those promises. Waiting on the Lord does not mean doing nothing or being content, in fact I think Like never before we should be pushing into obedience. Waiting on the Lord has to do with his timein, preparing us till we are READY. David waited on the Lord alright but he was still obedient at a very radical level. He in those times sought after the will of God like never before. He dove into the truths that God has for us. He continued to step forward and seek God! He stood his ground, he several times was staring at the gates of hell and stood his ground. The passion that he had for the Lord his heart to be a part of his story carried him through everything. STAND YOUR GROUND