My jouney into my story

For those of you that know me, know I love stories and adventure. I love redemption, justice and battles. This is a huge reason why since I was a little boy I was captivated by the Bible, especially the Old testament. I can remember as a young boy listening to sermons, taking notes far before I probably had an idea what it really meant.  God has for years been drawing me into his story. He has been using my love and passion for life and others to impact lives. The last handful of years I have really been trying to figure out just exactly what is my story and how do i share it.  I love when others share their stories of freedom and how God has brought light into the darkness of their hearts. Stories change lives, especially our stories. We were created for community, authenticity and vulnerability. But what was my story? How do I do that? What if they got a glimpse of the dark places in my heart? "It is to late to reveal that to people", I tell that to myself all the time. "I should have done it earlier" the time has passed... can I really go back ? Will they still love and accept me? How do i share stories of hurt and wounds of others I love and places I wounded others? Do I even have freedom in those places? Even worse do I know where and how to identify some of the dark places of my heart, today? I love the Lord, I love the Word, but I have to fight like hell just to keep my head above water sometimes. I am amazed by people where discipline, kindness, patience comes so naturally. I so often scratch and  claw to get what feels like a glimpse. I know God has changed my heart tremendously over the years. I know I am not the same person i was 10 years ago, 5 years ago heck even a year ago. What I don't know is how to use that to bring life to others. I share knowledge I've learned along the way. I share my passions and desires for others to know Jesus. But my story is rarely part of that. Few "know"  me and if I'm honest I'm not sure anyone "knows" me not the way God intended anyways. Not the way I help others to embrace and use their story and journey. Because in their story lies power and life. They will change the world with their story, they will light up the darkness and push back evil, with their story.  But me? I fear my story. I fear to truly be known. Because for so long I have been so bad at it. So long I didn't trust others, trust their commitment, trust their passion.  As i desired to lead and bring truth in what was a lonely place. I did the only thing I knew what to do I survived and often on my own. Yes I had friends that loved me and help me grow but they didn't know me or my story. Not the depths of my life, not what I have done or what I have been through.  So when i shared
 or do share, i went back a couple weeks or maybe a month. I shared. growth is what God was teaching me. There is a very real fear that people will see how weak I really am, how hard knowledge, love and disciplines come for me. How unbelievably hard I have to work to experience little change in my own life. This should not be considering the years I have been at this, the Love i have for my Savior and the hours I've put into growth. There is plenty of shame and embarrassment here for me(which i know isn't healthy or truth) But I have for years done it on my own... because I had to. The problem is now I don't have to just survive. I'm surrounded by dozens of people that Love me and desire freedom for me. This past week I have felt God call me to use my story. Tonight one of my best friends Lisa Langenberg with love and vulnerability shared her story. God whispered to me it is time. I know it will be painful, uncomfortable and tears will be shed.But it is time. There is to much at stake for me to just survive and not thrive. So tonight this is me saying here is my start, here is my heart and it is ready to be known. God wants to use us in ways we cant imagine and bring freedom in ways we didn't dare dream of. We are better together. We were created for this.

The plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations.

Psalm 31:11

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9

Thank you for reading a piece of my heart. Maybe it is time for you to be known. To enter into Gods story in a very special way.

For his glory

Jeremy Eusterwiemann

Courage in Sacramento: How a leap changed everything.

I had a different experience Sunday night as I was in Sacramento. I had just taken the Rail  downtown to attend a New York Knicks game. On the way there I had made brief conversation with a man. I attended the game and about 10:20  I purchased my ticket in front of the station. I noticed a homeless man there. I walked over and sat next to the closest bench. Something started to bother me. I opened up my wallet to check how much cash I had, which wasnt much. I walked over to the man and gave him what I had. I told him to enjoy coffee and breakfast in the morning. I asked him, you okay man? He said he just fell on some really hard times and was struggling as of late. I then told him I was from Nebraska but asked if I could be praying for him. Then I actually preceded to pray for him right there. I prayed For doors to be opened, love to be experienced, hope to be found shame to be wiped away. Then around the corner came a man, a man weeping. It had happen to be the man I had talked to on the train earlier. He then went on to tell me how his father in law was a pastor. How he knew all about Jesus but had fell into some things. He said that convicted him. He saw this opportunities everyday and passed them up. That he had chances to be a difference and never took them. That he has been wanting to get his life together. He was convicted that night. I don't tell you this story to get a pat on the back, to receive any sort of recognition. I tell you this story because I walk away from such opportunities to impact lives so often. Way more than I care to admit. I tell this story because maybe you have missed opportunities as well. To say i experienced different boldness and empathy then I have  experienced before. There was so much joy in that moment. I'm here to say you can do it. We can do it. Take a step your never know how you will be used. We literally withhold blessings from others when we allow fear and doubt to paralyze us. Be brave. Let your heart and Jesus guide you . I most likely never meet these guys again or get to see how this plays out. But I will pray that lives are restored.

Desperate for more

Imagine waking up you look around all you see is desert sand for miles. You have nothing but the clothes on your back. Your mouth is parched you are desperate you know you need water. You find a note that you can find it if you keep walking. You now have a glimmer of hope. So you hike as far as you can, you will yourself one step to the next. You are weak , you start to remember the amazing times with family, the things you coulda shoulda done, things you regret, the life you have lived and wanted to live. So you keep going you find a way to push like you never have before.

My head knows what it needs my heart desires it but my heart yet does not get the complete desperation for Jesus. My head knows how much but my heart hasn't totally followed suit. Lord i believe help my unbelief.

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
Psalms 63:1 ESV
http://bible.com/59/psa.63.1.ESV

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Matthew 5:6 ESV
http://bible.com/59/mat.5.6.ESV

When was the last time you were truly truly satisfied, be honest with me here. I am talking about no fear for whats next, no desire to have the next big thing, no doubt in the ones around you. If even for but a glimpse what did that feel like?

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
John 15:5 ESV
http://bible.com/59/jhn.15.5.ESV

We can not truly live outside if him. But yet every day I sure try to. I am getting closer than ever to my heart being awakened like it never has before. I am excited for this journey and I pray you will join me. Take a next step whatever that may be. When was the last time you truly desperately cried out to find life to experience it in a new way. When was the last time you were desperate to love others well but not by your own standards or in comparison of those around you. The only way to start quenching your thirst is to taste how good the water is. Then maybe just maybe we will have the audacity to truly share.


Please feel free to share in fact I ask that you please do whether it be on facebook or twitter. Thank you for your time. May you experience the Love of Jesus in a way that you never have regardless where you are on your walk. May he increase and we decrease.

A love that survives

I sit next to my lovely wife Sarah Wiemann on the eve of our ten year anniversary she lays sound asleep. First I cant believe it has been ten years. I cannot fathom what has happened to us, to me in thosee 10 years. What we have been through, what we have accomplished, where we have been, the things we have enjoyed together, the friends that we have made. I do not think I truly understand how blessed I am. Or how much she has done for me. I dont think I ever understood how hard Love can be, how intentional it must be and how often it really was a dog fight to continue to battle to grow that Love. Love is so much more than a feeling lets be honest we dont always "feel" it.  Actually lets be brutally honest in the midst of the business and of life we often feel a disconnect or at the very least long for something we cant even quite explain. We look for things or someone to blame, guess who usually catches the brunt of that? In my wildest dreams I never woukd have imagined that communication is so difficult. We have so romanticised  Love and marriage that forst time of true struggle or heart ache the majority leaves if not physically emotionally. Marriage and Love is often hard, akward, exhausting, laborious but totally worth it and life giving when we buy in. I am talking truly going all in. The greatest gift my wife has ever given me is grace and better yet a deeper understanding if Gods grace. His free unwavering grace that carrys me. There is no better place to experience it.

    Lets be honehst marriage Love cannot exist without it. Love is so much more than a feeling:  it is a decision, an act, a purpose a calling. We have to be willing to admit thatvwe dont love well . That we do it quite poorly actually. This doesnt change the fact how much I love my wife in some ways it proves it. When I admit that I am quite far from my ceiling then I have room to grow. When I decide I want to grow my actions begin to have a purpose. There starts to be consistency. With that things start to become easier and the "have to" becomes "want to" It is never perfect andh the hard thing is we often have to figure it out on the run while the rest of life fails to slow down. We have to learn how to pick up the broken pieces, mend them all while protecting the heart with strength and delicacy. In many ways it seems impossible and on our own I think it is impossible. We were not created to figure it out in our own power. The greatest man to ever walk this earth gave us an example ofvhow to Love. Jesus showed us How to love in the hardest of cirmustances, how to love when it is seems impossible. I challenge you take your next step on figuring out how you can better Love your spouse. If you are single or engaged prepare yourself, your heart or expectations.  Love is hard but love is worth it . Love is a journey. Dont do it alone! Reach out to those who will walk with you, help you grow and lets Jesus love shone through.
Thank you for taking the tine to read. Share share share..

Biblical lessons from a 2 year old.

Sometimes when we soften our mind and hearts you can reieve wisdom from almost anywhere. It isnt natural and it rarely happens by accident. To be honest it is quite intentional. It is a learning process that is forsure. One that i am definately still working on. But those doors are starting to open and I am beginning ttlo seize opportunities. Tonight as I was with my 2 year old daughter holding her in my arms, worshipping at Fuel. She looks at me and says "Jesus will never ever die again". There is so much truth and power in that statement. I think sometimes we lose the simplicoty of our Faith our Lord has conquered. Jesus says, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30 ESV
http://bible.com/59/mat.11.28-30.ESV"

Enter in, we were created for one purpose. There really is only two choices. It wont be easy and I guarentee you will be in the fight of your life. But ... his yoke is easy and his burden is light.

Lessons from a pan

Sometimes our greatest lessons can come from a simple house chore.  We live in a systematic world, which means lessons can be around every corner if you allow your heart to soak them in. Often those every day lessons can turn into something your heart needs to hear.  This morning I was doing the dishes a task I do majority of my mornings. Sounds like a fairly mundane task right.. And it was until I got to this one pan. You know one of those expensive pans you decide to splurge on. The type that nothing is supposed to stick to, the type that cooks everything more truly. Ya that pan. The problem was I was scrubbing and scrubbing and struggling. "This should not happen, not for this kind of money." I let my mind wonder like I so often do. I recall hearing, reading cook on "medium to low".  That is just a suggestion right? What can it really effect, besides I don't have time for that. I didn't prepare, my daughters hungry, we have to be somewhere in half an hour,... Whatever the excuse is and there seems always be one.  What am I getting at? What if our spiritual life is like that? What if what God wants to cook up in our heart , desires for it to cook slowly. To chew on, dive, in , letting it sink in letting it soak deep down to the darkest parts of our heart. Could it be that maybe some of our struggles in our journey is because we throw the temperature way up and want the instant meal and gratification. We are to busy, to bored, to uninterested to really let it simmer. To really allow ourselves to understand and grab hold of.  In Romans it says

http://bible.com/59/rom.2.6-7.ESV He will render to each one according to his works: to those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and immortality, he will give eternal life;

What if it isn't about a list? Or what we do but how we seek it and what we desire out of it?
Will you let it seep into your whole story? Even the parts maybe you have hidden away. What does God want you to want? Will you prepare a space will you set aside enough time to really let it simmer. I think if we do we will be pleasantly surprised in the difference.

Thank you for your journey and being a part of mine. Feel free to pass this on and share it. For his glory and his alone.

Life's a whale :our response

      Tonight as I sit here and ponder what Jonah must have thought when he reflected on what had happened in his life. Living a life that so readily heard the will of God but also chose not to follow it. Being swallowed up by a whale and eventually crying out to God . Reflecting on finally obeying the  of God. To seeing the miracle of Ninnevah repenting and turning to the Lord, for him only to become angry.

    This summer began for me with audacious hopes and dreams which also lined up with a calling. Like Jonah I wanted things done my own way, I wanted to take my path. Eventually I got swallowed up by my own selfishness and distractions. I think God often allows us, his children, to be swallowed up by our own desires. Only to eventually get spit out because we start to recognise the joy that it steals, the intimacy that is lost, the light that is wasted. When we do things our own way not only does it hurt us but it also robs others of the opportunities God desires for them. We walk away from what we were created for. We will all get swallowed up at some point in attempt to block, numb, dull and blind us of our calling. The true test is when we get spit out which road do we turn.

Today is a day that I choose to surrender all again. To surrender; my guilt and shame, my hopes and dreams, and my pride and my ego. I choose to take a step towards his plan and his vision. To turn around and go back to where he has called me one step at a time. To hear his voice and respond. To trust and obey.

 http://bible.com/59/rom.1.17.ESV For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, “The righteous shall live by faith.”

Today I choose to live.

Thank you for your time please feel free to share and retweet.

Open letter to America

I want to start by apologising for any spelling or grammatical errors as this is from my phone but I had to write.

 I want to start off by saying black Americans, Muslims, immigrants, homosexuals, transgenders ,Christians, those stand up for sanctity of marriage, and countless others I am sorry, sorry for the hate, the malice and the injustice. "United we stand" sounds so far away and sadly it is only drifting farther and farther away. As so many fight for equality, fight to be seen and fight to be heard so often the lines of division only seem to deepen.
We act as if we can be objective and I'm quite sure that in situations like Ferguson, South Carolina and Baltimore that is quite impossible.

We justify the actions of so many others where deep down I am not even sure we believe our own justifications. We stand so loudly against "them" that we engage in verbal assaults with anyone that comes close to taking a stand with "them" We fight to be right, we fight to not be wrong, we fight to be heard with any means necessary. I ask you this is that what we should be fighting for? Should we not be fighting for unity? For each other? For accountability of actions. How can we sit back and see Fergusen, Baltimore, south Carolina and the hundreds of other places around the world and not demand accountability.

Please stop justifying police brutality. There is an obvious need for a reform in the system of accountability in law enforcement. Those who think that are not anti police. Rioters it is never okay to react in anger and violence. Very rarely is the path of least resistance a wise choice. So why are not both these sides of any of these issues not being held accountable. I am not talking about judicially. I truly believe the ones closest hold the most weight.Citizens of America it is not okay to disrespect of the Citizens of this great country Ever. Male, female, child, black , white, Asian, homosexual, transgender it does not matter. If they breath the deserve your respect. If you do not think so it is time to step up and fight for AMERICA. Not "your" country.

Where the Men go so will society. Men it is time to stop acting like boys and putting you in front of the rest of the world. Your rights stops where the rights of others starts. Stop enforcing power that isn't yours, stop taking, stop bullying, stop stealing, stop manipulating, stop striking fear. Who is at the forefront of almost all of these situations Men and quite sadly "boys". You do not have right to show and release your frustrations, doubts and anger in any fashion you desire. That is what boys do. Men they fight for something bigger and someone bigger than themselves. They fight for a nation, for a people, for a neighbour. United We Stand. But that cannot happen until Men Stand United and lay down our boyish ways.

unbroken:The Christmas Story

This year Christmas has hit me in a knew way. There has not been some revelation of the true meaning of Christmas or this new found generous Spirit, but a deeper understanding of the story. A story that started far before the birth of Jesus. A story that prepared, pointed to, alligned, and constructed the purpose of his will. To that very day the birth of Jesus.

    The birth of Jesus is a story of so much sacrafice. A God who sent his son no longer in his Godly  but in flesh. He knew his son would experience so much pain, suffering, and sorrow. He knew there would be a day he would have to forsake his son.
Jesus had it all at the right hand of the creator of the universe. He stepped down knowing what some day would lie ahead. He stepped into a life of loss, torment, aches, pains, a life of so little. He gave up everything so we could have something.

    On that day a child was born. In a manger, in Bethlehem from the line of David, by a virgin. All the signs were there. All of history pointed to this moment. Israel... God's nation, his hand picked missed it, their king.. Why? They were looking for something else. Most of us would be broken. Thousands slaughtered, the King of the people (Herod) tormented the nation. The pain it must have caused God to look down on a nation that was so close, but yet so far away. We all would have been broken.

   Years later the  time has come to make your mark on the world. Jesus chooses his disciples, his followers his friends. For three years he pours out his life in teachings, healings, love, kindness, prayer and fasting. He most often was received with betrayel, arrogance, selfishness, stubborness cowardness, fear, and he was unwelcomed. We would have been broken.  The ones closest to him the light did not click till he was long gone. The very law he gave his people to give them freedom they used to bring his death. We would have been broken. The people you loved most were asked to have your back, to pray, to carry. The simple task swept away. We would have been broken.
The nation you prepared this moment for, who for months praised and cried out in wonder called out begged for the murderer to be released and you to be crucified. We would have been broken.  You are  calld to carry the hate, the harm, the pain of the world on your shouders and to do it alone. We would have been broken.

    The Christmas Story rings true everyday. Everyday we have a decision to make. Will I step into the story. Will I let my brokenness be mended. Will I choose to no longer be broken by the world. Will I choose to be lifted up surrounded And engulfed by God's love.  The Christmas Story isn't just a reminder it's an example. An example we are asked to follow. Follow a man that put aside his life to give us life. Will we forsake what the world trys to offer us and let complacency, greed, selfishness, pride and unforgivenness eventuallyl break us. Or will we stand in  a story that started long ago and has brought us to this moment. For we know the TRUTH and we know who are KING is and how the war ends. Are brokenness is forever mended. We are unbroken.

 Thank you for taking the time to read a little of what is on my heart. I more than welcome you to share, pass it on, leave comments. Ask questions and let it stir the soul. You are worth it.

Scandalous grace

       How do you even approach a topic like grace? To be honest I am far from qualified to do so, but I cannot deny that it has been a huge part of my journey as of late so with that I must share. Where do I even begin? I can find nothing better then to share some insight from C.S Lewis. "St. Augustine says 'God gives where he finds empty hands,' A man whose hands are full of parcels cannot receive a gift,"Grace, in other words must be recieved, Lews explains that what I have termed "grace abuse" stems from a confusion of condoning and forgiving : To condone an evil is simply to ignore it, to treat it as if it were good. But forgiveness needs to be accepted as well as offered if it is to be complete: and a man who admits no guilt can accept no forgiveness."  My biggest fear is that to often myself included in this is that we know God can forgive us, we know God uses murderers and crooks. So we move forward in sin acts that not only affect ourselves but devastate the relationships around us. Sin always causes collateral damage never does it only affect me. Sin separates and causes division in our relationship with our heavenly father. Phillip Yancy says in his book Whats so amazing about grace " Forgiveness is our problem, not God's. What we have to go through to commit sin distances us from God-- we change in the very act of revellion--and there is no guarantee we will ever come back. You ask me about forgiveness now , but will you even want it later, especially if it involves repentance?'

      What is my concern why do I fear where we are with our idea of Grace. I fear because and I have done so myself, that we have cheapened grace. That we use it as a safety net or a harness that keeps us from continually plummeting. Can it do those things? Absolutely, but if we are honest it can do exactly the opposite. That we ignore the pain that it causes our father, that we ignore the true damage that it does not only in our relationship with our father, but also within our community. There is a ripple effect when we extend grace and give it to to others as well as receive it, Great things happen transformation occurs and sweeps through our lives. A ripple effect also occurs when we refuse to see the damage it does to others or when we ignore that our decisions always affects others. We grab onto what we believe is grace but in reality it is not, all it is is a cheapened version that we have accumulated in our minds and our hearts. We continue to live a life that we think is leading us to freedom, but instead we are trapping ourselves in habbits that lead to bondage. Because grace becomes a cure for us instead of a loving action that burried our sins and carried its weight for us. Somehow we pervert grace into a fix it ticket that wipes away our continued selfish desires. Desires to fulfill a longing deep inside us, but instead of turning to the life jesus desires and created for us we turn to other things. Grace does all that but you cannot experience grace without a desire to truly experience the heart of Jesus. Without a cry of your heart to be reunited with his passion and love.  When our hands our firmly grasped and hold onto what we want we cannot receive what God wants to give us. Because we have decided our way is best and minimized what God has done.

     What is grace? How do I know it is grace? I do not know how to define it but I do know what it produces and what it creates. By Gods grace through faith we receive salvation. Grace brings about transformation and lets his power rest upon us. Grace helps us receive his love which flows out of our heat freely which transforms not only my heart but ultimately the heart of those around us. Grace builds us up and brings about the obedience of faith for the sake of our Lord to be proclaimed to all nations. Grace from above restores, confirms, strengthens and establishes us. Grace moves us to rejoice in the hope of the Glory of our God. ( references from the bible)

     I long to every day get another glimpse of understanding grace. With intentionality I have received joy I have never experienced before, because I feel my heart has been unlocked in new ways. I am able to love better  than I ever have before. I am able to latch on to the love that God has for me. I am able to deepen my longing my desire to walk with Christ. I am able to be removed from the muck of daily struggles and find hope in what God has done for me. Dive into the journey with me. What if we allowed our hearts to be changed and transformed everyday not just for ourselves, but for those around us. In a complete and selfless desperation for others to experience the joy we are now experiencing. So ultimately our God can be glorified. For that is when we become truly alive.


  Thank you for taking the time to read. I would love if you comment or share via facebook or twitter. I love you and what God is going to do in you.

sometimes words arent needed

       This past week I have had the privilege to be a part of a team that will bring clean water to a village in Haiti. On the way to doing a side maintenance fix on a well ,that had not working for 1 and a half years, we stopped at a church. As I was eating my lunch I could not stop looking at the front of the church. Which usually might not be that abnormal, but this church was nothing special and if I am honest not that appeasing to the eye. I just started and let my mind be still. I knew something was brewing in my heart. I scarfed my sandwich and headed to the front of the church and just sat. I knew this is where I was created to be the church. I knew right then right there I was where I was supposed to be. I felt awkward, fearful, doubt started to creep into my mind. I had no choice but to fight it, I knew this was a special moment. I started to pray, cry out and give thanks to what had brought me to where I am now.

       Here I am in complete silence and  at times prayer, Goodebumps began to take over my body , my legs were shaking.  Someone plops right down next to me. This someone wasn't a stranger but a friend. We have had many differences and in many ways the friendship has subsided(this is not the Point, or in any way to draw I away from how great they are).There I was sitting and there they were sitting not saying a word. Complete silence had filled up my section. All I knew was this world needs "the Church" and they knew it also.

  They knew my desires, my passions, my longings my shortcomings they knew my heart. So they sat. They sat despite the differences, the unsaid, the sands, the pain the hurt and the shortcomings. They decided they would just be. As if to say I know and I'm here. As if to say No one else gets it right now but I do. They took a step and in that step they showed a love I had never experienced before. The thing is they didn't needed to say anything. Their presence was enough. Their willingness to hear my passions and know my desires was enough. Their willingness to set anything else aside and just be present was enough. To be present means she had already took the time in the past to stand with me.

      We do not always have to have the right words. In fact sometimes we do not need to say anything at all. What we need is to invest to truly know the heart. When we do this we will seize the opportunities to impact lives, and give life . They decided to take a step and it is one that will forever be in heart. Will you choose to love like this?

Jeremy

love: a feeling just isn't good enough

Growing up I wanted nothing more than to find this fairy tale love. A love that continues to deepen and grow. A feeling that would continue to deepen and carry me through their difficult times.  I knew there was tough times but in my mind this love I was looking for would make all that worth it. I now know I was searching for the wrong thing, what I was looking for wasnt love. See love is far more than a feeling, in fact I am not even sure I believe love is ever a feeling. Because what Happens when you don't feel it? Even the thought of love is selfless, unselfish abs holds pure motives. The thought of it being a feeling in itself is selfish. We somehow make it about how I feel how I respond to you. There are attractions and longings that direct us to others. What do we do when it must move beyond that?  What do we do when we are in a friendship or marriage that is struggling to get past outer she'll or three deeper layer we cannot quite peel back. What do I do when I do not feel like it or do not desire to put more into it?

       Love is not a feeling so what is it? How do we deepen it? How can we begin to understand? I myself cannot fully answer that question.  But I know we must do. I know when we don't feel like it is thee most important time to labor and step into it. Why?  Because it is in those times we start to learn how to shatter our selfish hearts and let them be rebulit and live outside of me. I used to think I wanted the feeling to grow now I long for my understating of love to grow. I long for as I do grows into a understanding, that these things are necessities to my relationships And to my marriage.  It  is in the doing that gives those things life and where I ultimately will experience true joy. The only way we get to truly step into real love is by acting on it and doing over and over and over again .  Especially when it is beyond our understanding and comprehension does it become importjant to grind it out. As our understanding grows so does our desire to serve and live for them. So does the freedom to live, laugh and play. The biggest freedom we will ever experience in love is one that is not orchestrated and directed by what I "feel" .  As we step into it before long you look around and realize you are in a whole different level that you have ever experienced. We must be creative, intentional and purposeful in the relationships we are in . It will not be easy to know what "doing" looks like but we have no real other choice, because until we are truly willing to do we cannot truly love. Take a step into their journey daily one step at a time redefine what love truly is.

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When it doesnt makes sense: the heart and the mind don't mesh

We all have those moments where life is too trying,  blah, confusing, burdensome, weary, impossible, heavy or heck maybe even all of the above.  You know when the sun seems to cloud over,  when  anger builds, shame mounts, hope fades, doubt lingers and you seem to lose your reason to sing and your belief someone is there holding you.  You cannot explain it or even begin to put it into words. You just know you are not where you used to be,  you don't feel how you used to feel and you definitely don't sing how you used to.  The heart doesn't trust what the head knows as true. You feel so trapped in a wheel of guilt,  judgement, and obedience. You feel this separation from the heart , from a relationship you don't feel. The more you try the heavier it gets. To the point where you just  don't even take the every day steps you are so accustomed to. What used to be so enjoyable becomes so burdensome. So you are stuck in  an entangled mess. You know you need to take steps of obedience but that seems to distance us from  love, from a relationship. So we sit,  we cry out and we wait. This go around time does not heal , in fact it seems it does the opposite you feel life slipping. You grab out with all you have but the problem is you are not even sure what you are grabbing on to.   So what do we do? We do the only thing we can do.

      What must we do?Trust me this isn't tone of demands but of desperation and of loving. James 1:5-6, 24 ESV

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like.


     We shout out, we beg, cry out, humble ourselves and lift up our creator by asking for help. We admit where we are no sugar coating, no masks, no excuses just authenticity. We pull ourselves up and just do. We do not understand it. We don't want to take the steps but we just do. Even though the word "do" seems so heavy. It seems so dead, so lifeless, so unfriendly and so far from love. . James 1:22 ESV

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.
  We do because we no longer want to doubt, we want that faith, that love . We just do because we know this is where our lives are. We ask for wisdom as we take each step. We ask for revelation in hopes we find our reason to sing. We ask to feel. We ask how doing and feeling work together. How Love and obedience mesh.


    It is never an easy road for us it is imperfect, painful, messy, hard and takes a lot of work. We must do it. Not for ourselves not to become better christains, or a ticket to draw closer to God.  We do it for others . We do it to love, to experience love and to give love freely and share with those around us our hearts. We fight, walk out our journey and experience so others may have life. In the process some how some way it becomes beautiful, we grow, we laugh, we enjoy. We give others a reason to sing and some how through the mess we find our reason to sing. " It's his breath in our lungs so we pour out our praise. "

A heart of transformation: live free, but not easy

I often wonder what it truly means to endure. When I think of endure I realize that there is resistance I am turning away from something. I must ask myself lf what am I turning away from sin, evil, bad choices?  All of the above might be true but what if it is not that simple?  Paul says in Romans 12:2 NIV Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." How do I transform the renewing of my mind? What am I going against? We often desire pleasure the feeling and pursuit of happiness. We want it we give it to ourselves. Yes there is satisfaction in this but if we are honest with ourselves it is momentary. If we are brutally honest with ourselves it is not even satisfaction but q numbing of pain. Pain from searching and search for a void in emptiness an unsettled desire for more. I believe this is for Christ followers and those who do not believe in Christ alike. To transform is a continuous fight a changing of mind and habits, but not set apart from each other but together you cannot experience one without the other.  "Biblical faith fights to believe the Gospel to such a degree that it is reflected in our practice." As we seek the truth of the Gospel and continually let our mind be transformed which cannot be done alone by our own effort, our lives change. Love becomes easier, stronger and freely flows without hesitation. The Gospel calls us to look at Jesus over and over again, To acknowledge we are blemished and we need a redeemer. To say yes to Jesus as Lord of our lives but acknowledge that this is done through grace and grace alone, no amount of good deeds or any earning behaviours can save us. We are transformed by grace. "Grace is opposed to earning not to effort". What if to endure it means we continue to acknowledge our inadequacies everywhere, accept the grace God so freely wants to give us through his son. What if to endure means to continue to make new what grace, love, obedience, righteousness, repentance, sanctification look like. What if it means to reclaim the words that are so abused in our journeys and stories. What if This is when our hearts truly begin to be set apart from the world. Not some sort of behavior modification or withholding myself from pleasures, but a heart that starts to desire them less and less, because we have grabbed a hold of something strong and enduring Christ our saviour.

Blessed to be a blessing

      What is our purpose? How do we play a part? Where can we go from here? Stay with me here. Keep some of these questions in mind as I step into something that really burns inside me.  I really feel no matter where you are at or what level this can speak to you. Even if you don't consider yourself a Christain or could care less about God. I still ask that you stay with me here me out. Genesis 12:2 God to Abraham says " I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. " We were created to be a blessing. We were created for a bigger story.

This post can truly hit on so many different levels I ask that you would think about it and allow it to do just that. Ask the what ifs? Have I really made a commitment? Where do I go? What is my part? hang with me this one is lil longer.

To be honest there is something so personal and so close to home with this idea . I fear that here is where so many people get stuck. I fear that so many people cannot move forward until they get this, until this truly sinks in. So many want freedom, so many want to pursue BIG dreams, want to conquer the world,  but they ayrent dealing with their right here or their right now. I know personally I have a lot of growth but I am finally starting to GET it . THe process might be slower then I want but I suppose that is why they call it a journey.So what holds us back? Mathew 6:21 says "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." To me this statement is so foundational for who were are and where we want to go. I think So much freedom or imprisonment is found here. So many of us honor God with our lips but not our actions.  Did I just go to money? Yes, Yes I did but I am here to say it is no about MONEY it is about the heart. Why is this such a sensitive subject within the Church. Why do so many people get so edgy, and uncomfortable. I beleive it is absolutely foundational to how we can be freely used by God and even find God in places we did not know we could. I mean think about it where you invest your passionate about, you get emotional about. Dont believe me ever watched a football game where someone has bet, ever bougt stock for a product, ever seen someone spill something on their new 100 dollar pair of jeans? Maybe it seems far fetched but is it really?I meant what if what could unlock our hearts is by giving to our house, our church? If you are not a believer and reading this thank you for still being here. If your not a believer you probably have heard so many twisted versions of what tithing is. Even if you are a believer I know you have and wrong motives, and wrong reasons eventually lead us farther away rather then closer.

So where can we go? Why give? what is it for? Yes there are aspects of the Church that are business like and there are expenses. That does not even start to scratch the surface of why Tithe. Why we give 10% So why should we ? Maybe just maybe giving away with God is better then 100 percent all yours.  Here is a list i saw the other day about Ten reasons we get to tithe by Steven Furtick.  Yes get to. Imagine if your heart got to this place where every week you were actually excited and looked forward to that time of the week. Its fun trust me ive experienced it at times. There is a wholeness here that opens our hearts in ways cant even fathom.
AS you read this list think about these things when they pass the offering.

1)We document Gods blessing when we give
2) We get to train ourselves to obey Gods instructions more immediately and completely
3)When we give we get to participate in Gods higher purpose by connecting more deeply to his heart
4) I get to build something much bigger then me , that will last much longer then me
5)When I give I get to break the back of greed and escape the change of selfishness
6)When I give I get to wage war on worry by placing Gods protection over my possesions
7)When I give I get to order and enjoy whats left because Ive given God my first and my best
8)When I give I get to send a spiritual reminder to myself and my circumstances that my God is more then enough.
9)When we give we get to spread the Gospel to the world and preach the Gospel to ourselves
10) When I give I get to open my hands to a God who will not be outgiven.

Our heart is so complexed and it is so easily pursuaded when we try to please it ourselves. I am so passionate here because Churches around the world arent reaching their potential. Ya more resources you can do more things that seems logical. But but but it doesnt even end there and it isnt about there. I am pasionate here because the Church cannot reach its potential because so many cant give there whole heart to it. They cant dive into it or be all in even if they want to, because they simply said are serving something else. God does not need what we have, but we desperately need what he wants to give us.  We are all blessed to be a blessing.

Retraining the heart: A change that must be made

Have we really drifted do far as a people that the first thing we notice is someones flaws our shortcomings. I truly believe that none of us are exempt from this. We have desensitized our own hearts in this regard to the extent that we flaunt the "mistakes" of others socially and publicly. Maybe some of us don't engage in these actions first hand but is sitting quietly any different? I myself am as guilty as anyone. When Is enough, enough? When do you cross the so called line of insensitivity? It is no wonder the next generation is labeled as disrespectful, selfish and demanding of self entitlement. Do we really as a people model anything different? It has gotten to the point where it has become awkward or even worse burdensome to become encouraging and uplifting.

  The "Church" is not exempt here. In fact at times I wonder if the greatest struggles do not belong to us. We know better,Love calls for it and our Gospel demands it. Add if our response as a church in this regard isn't bad enough. The Church within the church is probably as bad as it gets. We try to walk in community together, but if they do not do it our way, or think our way it stirs up conflict. Which in amongst itself isn't entirely a bad thing. It really comes down to do you hold your views for yourself or do you desire somehow to draw them closer to God. To reveal a new peace and understanding that maybe they have never experienced before. So often our own churches have become competitive like only a brother and sister can be. The difference we do not treat them as a brother or a sister. We treat them as outlaws, outcasts unworthy of our compassion. They often become the brunt of our jokes or the center of our gossip.

 So what can we do? What I'd we took a stand retained ourselves to have an EYE for the beauty. We visualized or gratitude and our praise. What if we chose to honor everyone. Honor and respect are different to an extent respect is earned but Honor we are called to always give. Everyone is worthy of honor. What if we became a people that for once quit viewing others through our own eyes of selfishness, shame and hurt. Maybe if we started to step up and change the game others would follow suit. America is a selfish nation, a depressed nation a nation that is worn out. We suck the life out of ourselves by sucking it out of each other. When we give life we gain life. Could you bee the one that decides to take a stand and retrain your heart. AMERICA needs us.

quietness and confidence

               Tonight I am going to do it a little different. Tonight I just want to talk to you guys give you a glimpse of my life in hope that some how it can bring something to your life. Even the name i picked is far different then it normally would be.

     Do you ever have those nights where you crawl in to bed lay down and you cannot help but smile. You are so just flat out grateful you cannot help but smile. Not because today was easy, or you were rewarded or recieved something. In fact in a lot of ways it was exactly the opposite. The day was a grind it was tough for a lot of different reasons but that is not the point. I do not want to complain. I used to look at those events or those circumstances and allow it to define my day. Now I am realizing my days are far bigger then that. Back to my point. Life happened today. Every interaction I had today with someone close to me left a very special mark in fact far beyond what they even realize. I know this is and will be scattered but tonight that is who I am. Forgive me if it is hard to follow.

        Isaiah 32:17 "The fruit of that righteousness will be peace: its effect will be quietness and confidence forever. "  I know my days will never be perfect and I know so often they will be hard, they will be a grind and in the midst of them it will seem so often like war and for many of us at times hell.  My days are defined different now. Isaiah 32:17 "The fruit of that righteousness will be peace: its effect will be quietness and confidence forever. " Isaiah 32:17 "The fruit of that righteousness will be peace: its effect will be quietness and confidence forever. " Let it sink in. I truly believe with all my heart when we seek jesus with a pure heart and a heart without selfish motives we slowly but sure start to understand the steps of our Journeys. It is as if we recieve a revelation and something goes off in our mind and finally e might understand or we might get something we hadnt before. Hold on to those moments. But When we seek him the fruit of that righteousness in our lives is peace, quietness and confidence. We have confidence in knowing know matter the day we had our God is still the same, his love in know way has changed and our journey will still continue. There is a peace and a freedom in knowing our days are not judged or graded by the things we got right. The days are not defined byt the circumstances we are facing. Their is joy in every day, their is peace in every day. When we start to live life with the intention of being MINDFUL of the opportunities to seize and create life our days take on a whole new meaning. Something that is so far beyond ourselves . We see life where we did not before. We are blessed in ways that previously we walked right past. When we step into the life that jesus has for us you begin to expeirence a new peace and quitness. your heart calms and you can see the blessings and experiences the life that is brought about in your day in a new way. We miss this in our lives so many times. We get so caught up in us our hurts, our pains, our wants, our desires, that we miss the true Joys of life. We get caught up in us. We get caught up in defining our day and our life on things that are truly small. Today I was able to end my night lay my head down and know that I experienced life in a new way. Will you allow yourself to?

Day of honor: True meaning of freedom.

Days like today are moving for me as I ponder my life and hte opportunities given to me. There have been so many that have put their lives down for our freedom. Even before the existence of America. This day goes far beyong U.S.A do not get me wrong I love my country and am proud of who I am and where my roots are. So many have lost their lives for our freedom but it is more then just war. The fight is far bigger then that. There are so many that fight for food, survival, water, decency,and love. People have put their lives on the line for a far greater cause then us just having the right to do whatever we want or to not do anyting at all. They fight to give us the opportunities to change the world. They fight for us to grab hold of the day to day gifts that we have been given. They fight so that we will stand up and say enough is enough. It is time to care for the pour, the lost, the wounded and the wronged. True freedom is found when we look outside ourselves and we invest in the lives of others. When we give our time and resources to something other then personal gratification and satisfaction. Every day we have opportunities whether it be at work, home, school, out in public we have the chances to live large. To step outside ourselves and change the world or at the very least the lives around us. Investing into the lives of the youth to shape who they are and what they will fight for espeically with our own kids. True change starts from the inside out. I know it must first start with me and it is something I am finally being intentional to step into. I often suck at it but I give my all in doing so. So for me today on this memorial day has a new meaning. As so many have given up there lives and normalcy for us. To pave the road for us to live outside ourselves and to truly Live large. Living a life bigger then yourself is true freedom. So lets honor those before us by living a life worth living and preparing the way for those after us. Let us not take another day for granted. Be the change you were created to be.

THe Golden calf: The heart that is hindered

Most of us know the Old Testament sotry of worship. The Golden calf when Moses went up to get the ten commandemnts. Israel and its people melted all the Gold and other medals they had and forged a calf out of gold and worshipped it. Even the total heart behind it might have not been totally wrong. After all you cannot wroship something you cannot see right? They just wanted something visible. But it is not that simple. "Sin is fundamentally idolatrous. I do wrong things because my heart desires something more than the Lord." Paul david tripp from his book Instruments in the hands of the Redeemer. We will always worship something. The Lord or everything else. Anything that draws our focus or any desires that come before our desire of Christ is an idol. Why is idolatry such an important issue? "Worship is more fundamental to our essential nature than the pain, pressures or pleasure of our experiences. what we worship determines our responses to all our experiences." (Tripp 67) We were created to worship. We were created to glorify God. Anything that gets in the way of our ultimate purpose on this earth and in our lives is devastating. Even as I write this it is convicting me. I do not believe we have a big enough sense of urgency about idolatry in our own lives. How many of us can truly say that Christ is at the core of our desires. Some of us may say he is but does our actions, time and finances back that up. Where do we invest? Where do I spend the most time? What do I write the most or biggest checks to every week? Some of us would naturally say work we spend hte most time at work . I am sure you are asking so your saying work is an idle? What I am asking why do you work? To fulfill your simplest needs? Or is it for everything else that comes with it? The glitz the glamour. when was the last time we offered our work day up to God? THe last time we went to work thankful for the opportunity that it porvides my daily needs and from that and after that I get to give and bless others. Where we invest our heart will follow. We cannot serve two masters. It is impossible so if were not in total service of our Lord we are living for and serving for other things. AMERICA this is us. We do not get it we cannot get it. If we did tehre would not be so many hurting and so many needs even on our blocks right now. The churches would not be empty. Why because our lives our checkbooks, our time would reflect what we say our desire for the Lord is. I am not sure we value this thought near enough. If we put our time, money and heart where our mouths are things would change. Revival would happen. The Church would be the hope. We would feed the needy, resuce hearts from so much pain and terror.. Free those in bondage, rescue so man y from fear. WE WOULD BE THE PROVIDER. We were created for one purpose and one purpose alone. How much of your life do you invest there?

Your Rafiki moment

Simba starts chasing rafiki in pursuit of learning about his father.He chases him through the trees and catches up to him. Rafiki tells him to look into the water he is dissapointed to see only his reflection, thinking it might be his father. Rafiki tells him to look closer and he then sees a reflection of his father. Rafiki says you see he lives in you. There is then a dialogue with his father and how he has forgotten who he was and who he was to become. I know there was a lot of hocus pocus and things involved in this but I think there is an important lesson for us all here if we are willing to be honest with ourselves. Dueteronomy 6;12 says "be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, our of the land of slavery." There are grumplings and complaints going throughout the wilderness. Moses heres chatter how they wish they were back in Egypt. Ya they had seen miracles, true they also saw the wrath God put on pharoh and his country. They saw the sees opened wide and they have witnessed God provide there every need. Yet still there is complainingthere is ungratefulness. How couldthis be? How could tehy forget that there life back there was far worse. How could they forgetthat life in Egypt was far worse. Do they not remember the promises God has for them to enter the promise land? Are we really that different? How often do we find ourselves complaining and longing to be able to indulge in the things we used to. How often do We forget who God says we are, the promises he has for us and where he has removed us from. You see our lives are not much different. We wereall living in slavery at one point. Trapped by the desires of the world. Trapped by our own selfish desires. God rescued us and when we beleived we were marked by him and entered into his grace. He has a promise land for us he is preparing the way.We are wondering in our desert until the time is right. We must REMEMBER that we are part of something bigger, we are part of a larger story. That we too were once slaves, but we have been rescued and all of our legitimate needs have been met. When the times get tough and when the world seems like it might be crashing down on you. We must remember who God is, who we are in him, where we were brought out of and where we are promised to end up. The story isnt about us. We are called to be ambassadors to our king. Every moment of every day we are called to be embassadors. Our opportunities are truly limitless. Simba had ran away from his destiny, he complained about the life he was supposed to be having and the hurt that was there. It is no longer his or he would rather go back to how it was or worse didnt want to go take what was rightfully his. He REMEMBERED HE HAD HIS RAFIKI moment. Will you?